The Compact Journal

Something Lost

2010-05-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

I’ve lost something but I don’t know where

I’ve lost the bright shining smile the morning sun brings forth

The guiding light of the moon late at night

I’ve lost faith in tomorrow for it just doesn’t come

and don’t think of yesterday or I’ll sit and cry

I’ve lost love and care and still don’t know where

I just don’t know that it’s all sitting somewhere

my hopes and my dreams, desires and despairs

my reasons for living and breathing the air

I’ve lost all these feelings and know that they’re sitting

in the bottom of the lost and found box in a place called...lost life

A Dream

2010-02-01T13:08:00.000-08:00

I dreamt of this man called my lover my friend

The man that I thought would stay thru lifes end

I had thought we’d hold hands while taking long leisurely walks

or perhaps hang on each others words everytime we talked

I had fantasized we’d make love gently as we slowly became one

I dreamt of strolls in the park

and stolen moments in the dark

I pictured images of poetry in words featuring you and me

I thought we’d become we but it was always just you and I

I fantasized of a man you see who was caring and sweet and knew me,

he was understanding

we’d fall in love and be complete

In dreams this man gave a damn of the fantasies within my mind

and I dreamt that together we’d be one of a kind

I dreamt of building a home

no longer alone, being romantic we’d always be together

I conjured up images of two people laughing endlessly happy

I dreamt of sharing tears the world couldn’t see

and we’d never let spill unless with each other

I dreamt all these things with that man who was supposed to be you

But the dream and this memory wasn’t of you

for my mind played a trick and left me confused

my heart broke in two for I woke up alone

I dreamt of this man called my lover and friend

But that couldn’t be you for we’ve reached the end...

Endless Sleep

2010-01-08T18:37:00.000-08:00

What do you do when you lose all faith

When you look to tomorrow and can’t see your dreams

When you wake up in the morning you can’t even breathe

When your past looks better than your future seems

When your friends invite you out for a drink, a pill and your bed seem better than that

When your family becomes your worst nightmare, whatever they say, you just run away

When the time on your clock doesn’t seem to move forward, you must laugh out loud its all a bad joke

When your laughter of joy turn to tears of pain, the trauma inside finally escaped

What do you do when you’ve lost this much faith

When hope no longer exists within

I don’t have an answer so I’m asking you

For now I’ll embrace this sweet endless sleep

No pain and no trauma, no feeling tomorrow

Lost in Time

2009-11-20T20:59:00.000-08:00

So in this life I walk backwards

I walk to a happier time

somewhere unbeknownst to all

but in my heart still alive

somewhere where memories thrive

where laughter and joy makes me cry

I hear little chattering voices and know

this is where I belong

why must this clock turn forward

why can’t it just drop me off

keep ticking backward I say

erase all these tears from my eyes

make my heart full again

make this nightmare disappear

go away I yell

stop time before it happens again

drop me off in the memory of my heart

the happy place

where voices were still part of my life

where all my memories are still alive

where that little voice still whispers

“I love you daddy, I wish you were here”

2009-10-18T19:54:00.000-07:00

It’s that time of year again

the ghosts are a booing

the witches are brewing

the mommies are excited

the kids are awaiting the Halloween fright

ghouls are found hanging from trees all around

tombstones stand guard on front yards everywhere

candles are burning and pumpkins alive

tis’ a full moon tonight monsters coming to life

there is fright everywhere all in the air

spiders are crawling

making hairs stand on end

goosebumps arise on my skin from eerie sights

haunted houses screech sounds coming from where?

Black cats are a hissing, gonna cross your path

candy sits piled in baskets by the door

children eagerly await knocking

waiting hungrily just to say

Happy Halloween and TRICK or TREAT!

Have You Ever

2009-10-09T12:19:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had someone in your life you’d die for

forever trying to make him keep smiling

Have you ever spent hours on the telephone

the endless conversation, dreading the dial tone

Have you breathed him in the morning when he wakes up

his scent your day's inspiration from the start

Have you pictured his dreams in your evening sleep

You hope this means he’s the one you’ll keep

Have you spent sleepless nights due to yesterdays' fights

When he arrives you lose your fright

Have you turned around and both fallen to the ground

You're happy, ecstatic your love knows no bounds

Have you had your day started in bad moods for hands you have parted

When he returns your heart goes pitter-patter

Have you sped away for he screwed up your day

By midday he calls to say I’m sorry

Have you made love insanely after a bad fight

Apologize he does through the rest of the night

Have you cried just to hold him but never told him

You weep as he turns and you've finally showed him

Have your friends wished this relationship they had

You can only wish that they will, for them you feel sad

Were you able to keep this love so deep

Without losing your life or the ground underneath

If all of these you have experienced then in love you have been

And if this love you kept I salute you my friend

Yesteryears

2009-10-05T14:29:00.000-07:00

Still the yesteryears remain in my heart

as if time stood still I can breath the air

we are children again giggling with joy

up and down the street we haven’t a care

its barely dusk and not a threat in sight

the street light aglow on the corner as we run back and forth

we play peek a boo just one more time

hoping our parents don’t remember

school tomorrow time to jump in the tub

the many sleepovers

little whispers in the dark

sleeping bags in the living room

time slowly slips by

tag your it and we scatter like bugs

swimming in the pool

splashes of carefree delights

the childhood memories we share

going to school

riding the merry-go-round in the mall

dance lessons together

hiding shoes in the sand

ice creams in p.j.s

growing up down the street

looking at our faces

as together we stand

the tickles of yesteryears memories come flooding back

A Writer's Life a Poet's Verse

2009-10-01T20:00:00.001-07:00

I am not a scholared writer

Nor am I a well versed poet

An English doctorate hangs not on my wall

Nor a major degree from a prominent school

I am but an element of past and present

A girl turned woman, a boy turned man

Living life through blank books

Writing literature of unsatisfied beings

Filling empty pages full of lives past loves and hates

My blood, the ink refilling calligraphy pens

Bitter tears spilling onto journals leaving letters of words for pens to trace

The writing on sheets, therapy for wounded hearts

Who I am you can find sitting on library shelves

Desperate fears like metaphors hidden between lines

Dreams on paper coming to life

Giving our minds room to feel and survive, all memories gone whether yours or mine

I am the tears we cry deep inside

The pleasures of hearts which guide sunny days

Smiles on childrens’ faces, the laughter of joy

The everyday life of misery we hide

Words coursing through veins of disappointments & regrets

This is the essence of a writer's words

Lyrics which make us cry or laugh loud and bright

The presence of lives existence forms a poet's verse

Life lived through this body and seen through these eyes

Faceless people, nameless souls

Creating the words for this writer to take flight

The Passing Winds of Time

2009-09-17T21:34:00.000-07:00

As the winds of time slowly pass us by

As they wash the footsteps we left behind

As they slowly erase the youth from our face

We cry...

As the winds continue to blow through time

Slowly hypnotizing

Erasing memories we lived upon

Carrying the dreams we could not live out

Bringing a nightmare of futures alone

Creating the hurricanes which shatter our paths

We cry...

As these winds increase with fierce force uncontrolled

Moving with it the hands of a clock

We realize slowly time does not stop

We cannot recapture the things left behind

A precious love lost, a youth not lived out

We cry...

As the winds of time lightly burn our skin

We sit and cry for all the tomorrows we looked forward to

For putting today to a future faraway

All those unspoken words, stories never told

Acts not committed, broken promises

We cry out these feelings to the wind,

Little whispers for others to hear,

“Don’t get caught by the winds as they pass, erasing tomorrows you counted upon, taking away what you thought could have been”

For you walked other paths being lead astray, forgetting that time flies, not giving a damn

For those who tomorrow will say who was she or what did he do

Were they famous, or perhaps did they run in our group

We cry...

Feel

2009-09-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

Can you as I touch your skin,

Feel...

A tingle from within

The jump starting of your heart

An uneasy control as you get lost

Your bodies response without permission

Giving into a reaction of lust turning into a frightening passion

Do you catch your breath...

Finding yourself gasping for air

Does your mind lose thought as you reach out fast

Wishing it was a dream, fearing the recurrence of disaster past

Turning away, wanting to run

Entering this sweet danger zone, there’s no turning back

A deep heavy sigh of bewilderment

Heated embraces you can’t erase

A hearts desire you feel in those hands

Can you as I run these fingers on your skin,

Not feel...

That tingle from within

A burning fire, a sweet desire

Promises of all that I have to give

A treasure so sweet, an ecstasy of life

A mixture of tears as it turns into love

Are you scared as your body slowly gives in

To the hypnotizing moans as it reaches your heart

That sweet demanding tingle, the slow pleasurable breakdown within

Love

2009-09-07T22:18:00.000-07:00

I trusted my heart to this four letter word

Promising with it a mystical hold, never ending days of enchantment

thunder filled nights of never ending passions delight

Moonlit strolls-you by my side

sunrise mornings-making love and sweet talks

[L- for the labyrinth of magical mazes]

[O- for the promise of how it would never be over]

[V- for the vow of eternal love]

[E- for the sheer ecstasy, a fantasy of delights]

Afternoon walks through a nearby park

stopping under the shade of a shadowed tree

with a passionate kiss promising its call from you to only me

This four letter word soon let me down

making a fool out of me like a clown

Breaking my heart, it was doomed from the start

Now; Now I trust no one

Especially this neighbor I carry around called my heart

and this thing called love who wants to be its best friend

First Day of School

2009-09-02T11:38:00.000-07:00

There is a daunting quiet in my house

the sound of nothing which has never been heard

I look for sounds from their bedrooms

I hear silence

it is absurd

could they be hiding

where did they go

so unsure

I pace the floor

as I pick up toys from here and there

no little kids come running to claim their share

a little nervous

a little sad

my heart is heavy

I understand

they are off at school

but it can’t be true

my heart is broken for I miss them so....